'Tis the Season
There is no noun or adjective in any language to describe how a parent feels when he or she loses a child.
It’s because it’s unnatural for a child to die before a parent—in any culture. A child’s death disrupts the natural order of the world. When a child is born we immediately see all that is in front of that child, milestones such as walking, talking, attending preschool, and graduating from high school. We know the possibilities for our children are truly endless.
Whenever a child dies it is heartbreaking, it doesn’t matter if it’s due to illness, an accident, or in my case, due to violence. The heartbreak is even more hurtful because there are a lack of resources to support parents like me. This is unfortunate because the loss of a child has a profound impact on a parent’s mental, physical, emotional, and financial wellness. Our lives are completely altered, the way we relate to the world changes, holidays included. The holidays are painfully difficult.
My first holiday without Rohan, I experienced anxiety at the beginning of the holiday season. I had no desire to celebrate. There was nothing to celebrate, my son was not here. Once I became a parent, every holiday was for my children’s benefit, to see their smiles, to create new experiences together, and create new memories, no matter how small they were. Luckily, I had (and have) a strong support system that understood that everything had changed for me, and they too had changed. They were instrumental in helping me cope with my rollercoaster feelings. Today, I have had a number of holidays. Now, a holiday for me is any occasion that my family comes together and love up on each other. If you are a parent dealing with the loss of a child, I developed this list to help you navigate the holiday season. If you haven't experienced loss but are supporting someone who has, this list can be a resource for you.
Here’s what you need to know:
There is no right or wrong way to grieve. I gift you grace and peace.
Communicate with others, listen and share.
Roll with It. It’s okay to be sad. Period.
Cherish old traditions and create new traditions. Make new memories when you are ready.
Seek professional help. Therapy helps to heal fresh and old wounds.